>> Friday, October 28, 2011
I have been counseling couples for a long time now. After 20 years of helping couples there is always a theme or common thread within the relationship. Everyone talks about communication but I want to speak about the other "C" word.
Through every stage of engagement, more clearly seen in the very beginning, one must always have a no nonsense attitude. It's the reason why we are attracted to those who don't notice us or give off the energy that they can live without you.
They have a certain air of strength about them. They appear worth the catch. Then as the relationship progresses, one should still have that attitude. My favorite saying is from Dr. Phil. "We teach people how to treat us". Is that not true?
Then when we are going along in a few years of courtship we hit bumps. Some are common milestones in every relationship. You are becoming balanced. Commonly at two and around the five year mark. This is the time when you should stay confident. The tendency is to stop everything, no, don't loose it, keep going.
Ever wonder why when you break up with someone they seem to look better especially when they re-date. Why is that? They kept in going and had the CONFIDENCE to love themselves and know they are worthy of happiness-even with someone else. So don't wait for a break up to get confident. Do it because you're worth it.
Have a healthy balance of integrity, apologizing when your wrong, be tender and loving, continue with the gifts, fight to make it work, cry when you need to, but don't leave out the fact that you are a great catch! The healthy balance is that there is no one like you, You're strengths rock and your weakness can be made into strengths, that will work for you.
Stay Confident my friends, stay confident.
The Advisor, MA, PC/MHC