NCTW (5)

>> Friday, January 29, 2010

It is important for the couple to know their negative communication patterns of distress. Once they can identify to these patterns, they can be taught some practices for healthy ways to communicate.

"The Practicals"

  • Time Out-as discussed in NCTW (2).
  • The Speaker/Listener Technique- a communication tool is used called "The Floor", is held by one partner (or speaker who has the floor). This partner brings up a topic for discussion while the other partner listens. The partner that listens is to paraphrase what the speaker is conveying. Ex. Speaker: I feel ignored when I am speaking to you and you do not answer me. Listener: What I hear you saying is that you feel ignored when you are speaking to me and I do not answer you. After several times of having the floor the partners switch, speaking on the same topic. For more info and to purchase hand held "Floor" tool go to Prep educational products. They use 30 years of research on tools to improve marriages. *Note: This technique is suppose to have an artificial feel but allows the listener to borrow the eyes of the speaker. After some time it becomes more fluid.
  • Constructive Griping-in "XYZ". *When you did X (Specific Behavior),*In situation Y (Specific Situation), *I felt Z (Owning Feelings, be Specific and Respectful).
  • Problem Solving Model- [Part 1] Problem Discussion-the goal is to understand and to be understood, encourage couple to use Speaker/Listener Technique, create environment of teamwork. [Part 2] Problem Solution (ABC123+F)-Agenda Setting, Brainstorming, (Combining, Compromising, Contracting + Follow up). *Note: When brainstorming together, write down ideas without saying no to anything. Capitalize on the differences in the partners. Create a specific plan with who will do what. At follow up have an accountability to the plan.
  • Soothing Activities (alone or with each other)-Swimming, Tai Chi, Yoga, Nature, Music & Arts, Prayer, Massage, mindful walking, eating and breathing activities.