NCTW (2)

>> Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Another interesting concept before we get to the practicals, is a term I have heard but never quite used in my vocabulary until now. It is a comforting term. Even when I say it, I feel comforted and couples should be able to do this for each other as well as for self.


  • During an escalation, couples or one spouse should be able to call a "Time Out" or signal when the pause button needs to be pressed on the current disagreement. Arguments are like magnets that cause the conflict to escalate. Removing yourself from the conflict allows you to step away and think through the situation, as in a hyperaroused state, it is difficult to deescalate. This is where self soothing is important. Dr. Fraenkel recommends (for those living in a fast pace city) within 48 hours to return to the the pending discussion (compensating for busy lifestyles).
  • Soothing techniques for better communication-will be discussed later in "The Practicals".
  • Pleasure Points are great and quick ways to sooth each other. Some quick, 60 second pleasure points is a concept originated by Dr. Fraenkel but compiled by the audience: Kiss, hug, hold hands, look into each others eyes, frisking, sing, stroke hair, stroke face, stroke toes and one person in a training he did some time ago, by a very muscular gentleman said in a deep voice, being stroked with velvet :) I love it.