NCTW (3)

Based on research findings on couple distress and disruption, here are some negative communication patterns to identify and avoid:

• Escalation

1. Summarizing Self Syndrome-a stand off, stating and restating your point of view.
2. Yes, but...
   
3. Cross Complaining-one partner brings up a problem and the other partner presents a different problem to discuss.
4. Kitchen Sinking-a laundry list of pain, everything the other partner has ever done, can be too much to swallow.
5. Character Assassination-instead of saying "it bother's me when you do not pick up after yourself", the partner says you are a slob. It is basic name calling.
6. Always/Never-globalizing specific complaints to generalizations.
7. Blaming-a power control tool.
   

• Withdrawal-when one partner withdraws the other partner pursues. With less pursuing there is less withdrawal. Another form is Stonewalling-partner is in distress but has a lack of concern on face, face frozen with facial muscles tightened.
  
• Invalidation-under responsive, dismissive, not empathetic, ignoring, not validating or sharing.
  
• Negative Interpretations-having or developing a theory of others negative intention. "They don't care about me based on..."Connecting the dots in all the ways they don't care or love us. These concepts flow into each other.