This is the third post in my series on Anger. Strange that I would write in my title Hostility as a Machine but hear me out. I discovered Anger can come and go but Hostility is ever present. It is a step beyond anger. It is a cloud like depression. It is dense and heavy. It is a deception. It ligers and follows you around. Hostility although invisible can be felt within and outside of oneself. The dictionary describes hostility as a state, a condition or attitude. It encompasses bitterness, strife, annoyances and frustrations.
The reason I describe it as a Machine is I have witness it within my self as well as in couples and families I have counseled. when you come together with the source of your frustration it engulfs both persons. Here is where the functioning of the machine lye. When you speak it passes through the hostility field between you and that person. It comes out on the other side as distorted. They did not receive the information in the intended purpose. The machine of invisible negative energy is two negative charges and when compounded it reaches toxic levels in the relationship.
All is distorted by the machine. Image of the person is distorted. Intension is distorted. Words heard are distorted. Attempted positive feedback is distorted. Efforts for good is distorted, etc. This is why it is always recommended to have a time out during "heated" conversations.
It is simply recognizing this very important illustration. To shut down the machine, one must counter act with a positive charge as opposite charges attract. How is this possible as very difficult in a real life situation? I ask the client to repeat what they have heard which is usually not what was said or has a slight change and then assume the best of what was said.
Ex. 1 "I need space."---Hostility Machine---I want nothing to do with you. Rejection. This is over. (They did not say any of these).
Ex. 2 "I need space."---Positive Charge---I need to regroup. I need to be alone with my thoughts. I need time.
For the first example, unless they say it's over it is not over. The need is about them and their need to COPE with the situation. Example 2 takes sacrifice and patience and it is the love between the two persons which will bring them together again after EVERY incident, until Resolution takes the place of The Machine.
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