>> Monday, October 29, 2012
"To Thine Own Self Be True".
This year I have learned the meaning of "Be True to Yourself" or "To Thine Own Self be True". In your marriage or relationship the goal is to be one but I have to tell you, do not loose yourself in the other person. You cannot be drowned out by their strengths, profession, money, power, intellect quirks, flaws, obsessions nor love. Yo need your own identity and cannot be shadowed or smothered by the other person. It is good for your well being to act upon the things you really enjoy and not the things your significant other enjoys even if you want to please them all the time.
This is unhealthy. You exist. You matter. Your idea and dreams matter. Your voice matters. Your likes and dislikes matters. Once you are engrossed in this type of relationship it is hard to revert to having your own identity again. It has become a habit at this point. So little by little make assertions. If need, because the other half may take it in a negative manner, state the truth. "I have tried to please you for so long, I realize I don't do the things I like" or "I did not realize (about myself) that it is okay to say no if I don't like something and that you would be fine with it". That's a script you can use if you find yourself in that situation.
It really is liberating. After 14 years of marriage I have changed and am discovering myself in my forties. I do not have the same likes as my husband from ten years younger. I have matured. I have evolved and so has he. You really are a different person and your way of handling life's changes should reflect that. Another thing is we don't like to say no; to our children, nor our spouse, or people we love in general. Give yourself permission. it is okay to say no. Even to yourself. It's all part of being true to who you are at this moment in time. The trick is to be consistent.