"Embrace Life"

There is so much we are meant to do while we live on this earth. So much to see and enjoy. Along the way we meet all types of people. Those who wrong us and those we wrong. We live to care for others and other to care for us. Life is about relationships. Relationships are on a spectrum. Some last and some are mini intervals to teach us something about lives or ourselves. Embracing life is two fold and intertwined with each. Embracing life gives you the freedom to be able to be alone. Something very difficult for some people. Appreciating yourself and not having to be in a romantic relationship or you' ll fall apart. It is no easy fete to have the confidence within yourself that you are comfortable with who you are and how you were created. In this frame of mind, once in a committed relationship and marriage you do not become the needy, picky, dependent, jealous spouse. Instead embracing life as a couple, you go out on outings together, concerts, bed and breakfasts, playing a sport together, builds the oness for enjoying each other. (It makes the difficult times easier to get through).

Now once your married, the misconception is that you should do everything together. This is not true. Even when married you should still embrace your life. When this blog first started, "Anonymous" made a great comment on having freedom in a marriage. I agreed. Take the opportunity of continually spending time with yourself. My motto has always been to "be your own best friend". "You don't realize the importance of "the self" until you meet someone who has no sense of self"- P.Y, Art in its Written Form.

Do you know of someone taking a dance class, initiate and join them. Is a neighbor involved in ceramic making/car and boat show, find out information from them, join them in like minded discussions and activities. Is there a coworker in the hospital, take time to do a good deed and visit them. Have you always wanted to see a certain performer, buy tickets and invite a friend you've always wanted to spend time with. Go for a walk near the water; bring a good book. Prepare financially over time, to get a make over and shopping spree.You should spend time enjoying your life separate from your spouse. Discover yourself. The older you get you will find more surprises that you never thought existed about yourself. Have a passion for your life. You are the star in it. Interestingly, you'll find your spouse taking more of an interest in you as your focus shifts.

Embracing life is a healthy balance we should not neglect ourselves and at the same time take our relationship to new heights. (I will discuss this in a later posting). Through your course of life you have met your significant other. Embrace who they are. They have become a part of you, quirks and all. Embrace them for loving you. Embrace them for choosing you. Embrace them because you chose them. Embrace them because they are still here. Embrace them because they are a part of your life, your co-star.

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Embrace Life

This ad has been blazing like wild fire throughout the web. I discovered it from CNN.

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Parisian Love

I love this video so much I took the idea for posting from my friend's new blog; Media, Arts and Me. This is how most of us start. Love is a powerful thing.

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The Love Dare V

I must say I have really enjoyed covering this book and I am tempted to continue but I must move on. It's really hard to discontinue quoting this marvelous material especially at the highlight of the book. Of course with this sample, a fresh view into married life, hopefully has you intrigued into buying the book. The book is a 40 day journal. There is also a one year journal for newly wed couples.

The book increases your chances for connectivity with your spouse finally "getting you", so have them read a copy as well. Now even if they do not read the book, no worries, the change in you from the new concepts learned will produce a change in how you "inter" and "intra" behave in the marriage, that they are led to change as well. Honestly, I have seen quite a change in how I see myself in my own marriage.

It really has been a pleasure reviewing this book. I hope you will continue to join me as I finish the Love Dare for my own committed relationship and begin to cover other new, interesting and useful material for you. So here are my last quote entries:

"Love helps you to install air bags and set up guardrails in your relationship."
"Fighting fair means changing your weapons. disagreeing with dignity. It should result in building a bridge instead of burning one down."
"Honor-To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them special and of great worth. When you speak with them you keep your language clean and understandable. You are courteous, and polite. When they speak to you, you take them serious, giving their words weight and significance...you accommodate them if at all possible, simply out of respect for who they are."
"Holy-Holiness means they are set apart for a higher purpose, no longer common or every day but special and unique. A person who has become holy to you (as in holy matrimony) has a place no one can rival in your heart. He or she is sacred to you, a person to be honored, praised, and defended."

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The Love Dare IV

O.k. I did it. It went well. Not as bad as I thought. I will probably do one more entry after this due to my review of the book, was only meant to be a sampler. The next two chapters are intense.

Love lets the other win-"Do not merely look to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:4
"The wise and loving thing to do is to start approaching your disagreements with a willingness to not always insist on your own way."
"And though the follow through may cost you some pride and discomfort, you have made a loving, lasting investment in your marriage."
"The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield." (James 3:17)
"...give up your rights, and choose to honor the one you love."

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The Love Dare III

I am very happy that I have read this book. So that when I recommend it to someone, I can say I truly lived it and made it out alive. The task I spoke to you about last time did not happen. I will really have to search within to see why I did not follow through. I went on to the next chapter as the dares are pretty flexible in execution. I guess things are going so well I don't want to hit any bumps. I am realizing as I am writing that "it's all in the presentation " sooooo with that I will make a second attempt. I will let you know the update. Here are some new quotes from the book.

"If you don't diffuse your anger by learning to love others, you may eventually begin plotting against them."
"You can tell a lot about the state of a couple's relationship from the way they greet each other."
"The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love."
"When you mistreat your mate, you are also mistreating yourself."
"It's time for you to realize that your spouse is as much a part of you as your hand, your eyes, or your heart."

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The Love Dare II

So far I have messed things up. It is easy to give someone instructions and so challenging to take your own medicine and follow someone else's instructions for one's own marriage. I am a strong believer in, if you can give instructions to someone else on their marriage, you should be humble enough to be on the receiving end of advise in your own marriage.

So each day in the book you are given a "dare" or "challenge". Well it was going fine until I hit a hurdle and fell on my face. Thank goodness the book states, to continue in light of these circumstances. So I did. Everything is better now. I have a hard one for today so cross your fingers. Stay tuned. Below are some new quotes from the book.

"Yet if you dare to love, you'll also want to give your best to your very own".
"Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule".
"In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside."
"You must develop the habit of reining in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate."
There is the Appreciation room and the Depreciation room. This is too deep. You'll have to read it on your own.

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The Love Dare

As promised I did purchase the Love Dare. If you remember I went to a Secret Santa party called a Naughty or Nice Party. One of the books recommended at this gathering of married women is The Love Dare. This is my next project to present to you as a great tool for insights and motivation to improve any marriage. As I have just started reading the book, I will be sharing as I go along. I will not give away too much information in the book but will give you samples so that you may be interested in buying it for yourself.

"It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves (Selfishness)".
"The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself."
"Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can't be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time."
"It's hard to care for something you are not invested in."
"Love requires thoughtfulness on both sides."
"Great marriages come from great thinking."

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Notes from Couple's Toolbox Workshop (7)

References

• Fraenkel, P. (2005, March). Cracking the code: Working with difficult couples. Workshop presented at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium, Washington, DC. CD available through www.psychotherapynetwork.org
• Fraenkel, P. (2005) Whaterver happened to family therapy, Psychotherapy Networker, 29, 30-39, 70.
• Fraenkel, P. (2009). The therapeutic palette. A guide to choice points in integrative couple therapy. Clinical Social Worker Journal, 37, 234-247.
• Fraenkel, P. (1997). Systems approaches to couples therapy. In W. K. Halford and H. Markman (Eds.) Clinical handbook for marriage and couples innovations, (pp. 379-413). London: John Wiley.
• Fraenkel, P. & Markman, H. J. (2002). Prevention of Marital Disorders In D. S. Glenwick & L.A. Jason Innovative strategies for promoting health and mental health across the life span, (pp.245-271).
• Fraenkel, P. & Pinsof, W.M. (2001). Teaching family therapy centered intergration: Assimilation and beyond. Journal of psychotherapy Integration, 11, 59-85.
• Gurman, A. & Faenkel, P. (2002). The history of couple therapy: A Millennial review, Family Process,41, 199-260.
• Halford, W.K., Markman, H. J., & FraenkelP. (1998). Relationship problems. In P. Salkovskis (Ed), adult disorders: Clinical formulation and treatment. Volume 6 in Series, M. Hersen & A. Bellack (Eds.), Comprehensive clinical psychology, New York: Elsevier.
• Fraenkel, P. (1994) Time and rhythm in couples, Family Process, 33 37-51.
• Fraenkel, P. (November/December 1996) The rhythms of couplehood:using time as a resource for change. The Family Therapy networker, 20, 65-77.
• Markman, H. J. Stanley, S., & Blumberg, S. I. (2001). Fighting for your marriage. San Fransisco, Jossey-Bass.
• Nhat Hanh, T. (2001) Anger: Wisdom for cooling the flames. New York: Riverhead Books.

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