When it just doesn't work.

>> Tuesday, December 06, 2011

I found out some good friends are getting a divorce. It is shocking to everyone as the husband was so in love with his spouse. After a few years he committed infidelity and the marriage never recovered, even after he initiated and told her. She spoke to me and she made a plan to do the best she could to hold her marriage together. (That way she can say she gave it her all with no regrets).

It just wouldn't work and she refused to live any longer, in a marriage, where she felt unloved. Now she is staying at her parents home and has feelings of shame. I spoke to her yesterday and encouraged her that she did nothing wrong as sometimes victims of abuse and infidelity may feel.

They have no children so it is not as complicated but she is exhausted with the dividing and selling of property and furniture. Another plus is at least they are civil towards each other and maybe the time away will mend the hurts. I came home and told my husband as it is always a sobering time when these things happen. It is difficult to accept but causes you to re-access you marriage.

What are your expectations? Are you happy? Are you doing your part and more? Are you holding a grudge, anger or bitterness? (They are all different). Has you marriage suffered due to your actions and you fail to take responsibility? How much fun do you make it? How often do you use kind words and compliments? How much house work do you do? Do you share the bills or initiate to help? Have you become ungrateful for even the little things or common things? Do you remember special occasions and still give gifts? How's your parenting? How's your cleanliness and organization? How do you greet each other? Are you being honest? How is your forgiveness and grace levels? How's love making? Do you replace the toilet paper roll : ) ?

Are you re-accessing your marriage? I am.