>> Friday, July 09, 2010

Why is jealousy considered green and a snake symbolizing its most deadliest form? I think it should be bright red or a deep wine color with its symbolic animal as a Bear. Although snakes are pretty sneaky, so I guess this could do. I have the worse case of jealousy ever and I can't for the life of me, after 12 years of marriage, figure out how my husband is not jealous by nature or have the seed of "green" in him.

Honestly, during my early age of marriage I thought my goodness, he must care nothing for me or I must be so homely to him that who on God's green earth would want me. I went through a period of insecurity at about 2 years of marriage and I tell you it was like being a pre-teen all over again. I knew I was jealous but marriage intensified it to the point where he said I am going to the library. Yeah right. I know you are a geek, but let's face it what grown man goes to the library? You hate reading. Why does your credit card come up for shopping at a woman's clothing store? Hmmm, explain that one or why it took you ten extra minutes to come home or have a special ring tone on your phone besides for me.

This is the time I turn green as in after I find out he has since chosen to go to Barnes and Noble as a regular on computer blah blah books and magazines. He comes home with, "look what I bought you" and the extra 10 minutes was spent on a shiny new car that just had a good washing. the other ring tone I later found out was for his mother. I turn green from embarrassment. But the cycle continues although my fears have gone up in smoke. Now, I used to be worse, calling to find out where he was, snooping for clues and just flat out addicted to managing his time. A control that drove him crazy and one day said, "You are driving me to do something". I stopped dead in my tracks. I was a deer in headlights. There was actually a concept I never encountered. It was like hearing the world was round and three dimensional not the two dimensional world I had been living in. That's the day I had an awakening that I had to take my controlling nature and apply it to myself.

Let's be honest if you are satisfied after each suspicion is accounted for and have no doubt and have confronted your spouse and given plausible answers then you need to reign in your green eyed snake. Now if you are not sure and things do not make sense while your spouse says one thing and the "arithmetic" does not add up, your suspicion are perfectly reasonable. Instead of your spouse accusing you of jealousy or that you are somehow in the wrong as I have heard from cheaters before, as long as you are mature, without emotion, which irritates men, you have all rights to ask questions. For an example script, create a tone before hand saying, "In the future when you refuse or are hesitant to answer my question it makes me suspect more that you are hiding something. It is perfectly normal for both or one spouse to have these feelings as I am in love with you and want you exclusively to myself, so in the future please help me by answering me. This will help with my suspicions and please don't get angry with me as I am trying to resolve my own fears. (Of course this is only a blue print to how you would like to say it).

As a wife who suffers with jealous thoughts I have a lot to say about this subject. As a mother of two boys I have to say a lot about this subject and as a Mental Health Counselor, I have a lot to say about this subject. I will write another posting on "Jealousy" because there is so much to write about having "the green eyed snake" or in my world, "the red eyed bear".