Who knew? He was listening.

>> Monday, June 14, 2010

I was able to get away this weekend with my family and I had a wonderful time. I went to a family wedding in Virginia but not before sight seeing and swimming in the pool at the hotel. My boys just love hotels. We usually stay at a regular one as we love it so much. So much so my youngest one calls it the other house. When he hears we are going to Virginia, he runs to his room and gets his card key and blanket.

This time we couldn't afford to stay at our luxury hotel so we got a discount from a family member and stayed a nice one, just not as elegant. Now during the wedding, the boys were well behaved and I didn't have to speak to them too many times. The little one enjoyed running after his older girl cousin and forgot all about me and the oldest one seemed not to want to be bothered with all the other children running around, even if some of them were a bit older. So he sat with me for a while interupting as they do when you are trying to have a decent conversation.

He laid in my lap as it was past his bed time. He stated he felt sleepy and proceeded to get comfy as he pulled two chairs over for his legs and hip to rest on. My husband's aunt who was sitting next to me mentioned the boys seem so close to me. I stated this has not always been the case as I told her the famous story on this topic. I proceeded, "when he was three years old he fell down and hurt his knee. Both my husband and myself reached out our hands. He looked at me then my husband, then me and finally looked at my husband simultaneously yelling, "Daddy" in tears. From that point on I knew something was nontraditional here.

I told her I was making money for a children's organization in Brooklyn but lived two hours away. My husband begged me to leave the job as he had the boys to himself until 9pm at night. I said I would find a new job and I really had good intentions but after a year of them falling asleep and him bringing them home with their bags I said I have done enough damage and took a job recommended by my husband that was closer. It was at the same organization and doing work I hated as well as having no experience to do the job. I thought I would be fired that first month but turns out I learned a new skill.

Back to the story. Little did I know my son was listening to every word I said. He interupted and said, "I was close to him because he was alone. Daddy was always alone." I tell you, at that moment I felt many thing. Honestly embarrasement was last. I did say to his aunt, "see he has confirmed it". I was really surprised that he remembered. That he had a reason and that he had compassion on his father. I also learned from his statement that we do not realize long hours away as a parent has an effect on our children. I was also blown away by the maturity of his statement. At 7 years old he is able to articulate his feeling from reviewing his past. That in hindsight he could give me a reason to what it was like for him at three, four years old.

I am still amazed at his insight. I also came to the realization, again, for how much of a good father my husband is. Boy am I glad that hasn't changed. He is still in there with his sons. Well it turns out that my post has become a post in honor of Father's Day which I did not plan on. I'll leave you with this; when children are silent they are reflecting. Try to find out what they are thinking. Be careful they are really highly intelligent and you have to be willing to handle their concerns and statements with care . I have since apologized to my sons and have heard, "Mom you are my best friend." I will continue to run with this idea for upcoming posts as Father's day is next Sunday, June 20, 2010. As always thanks for listening.