Candid Conversation

>> Monday, March 15, 2010

I had this dream that my husband found himself a girlfriend in the new place, where we moved. In real life I have had much anxiety about moving to a new state which we have decided on. We plan on moving late this summer and I have had a few dreams now as the move is getting closer. And why in the dream is the other woman everything you desire to be? Now I am so aware of broken relationships. My neighbor's husband has practically become a rock star for the type of job he just received. I just saw a show on tv about a man who moved up in the judicial system and became extremely popular. What do they all have in common? They get a sense of power and as Tiger woods said, he felt he was above the "moral law". These examples have shown time and time again that with much success the human moral becomes frail and flexible. I am sure this happens with women as well but not as exposed as the male counterpart.

One wife on tv stated she did not want to know what her husband was doing as she was afraid. This brings me to my first point. There is no question that is untouchable to ask! This is your life we are talking about. If asked respectfully and with love, even humor, one should be able to ask any tough question. It really is better to know than live in a fearful, paranoid bubble, that includes when you have children. Having children should not decrease your need to know something, that you're afraid your spouse will say. Ex's. Are you still in love with me? Do I satisfy you? Are you cheating on me? Have you ever had a homosexual thought? Do you had a hard time with gabbling, saying no to a drink, or pornography online? You are a spouse to help them in their struggles but you are also human as they are human. It is your right as a partner in a bond of "oneness" to have answers to these types of questions. This brings me to my second point. I am the most jealous person by nature. I cannot put up with any hint or trails of female friendships, calling or texting. I have grown in this area believe me and I am still a long way off. Whether you are like me in this area or not, I learned a long time ago from my friend Denise to have a que se ra attitude. Not literally, I do not care, but (how do I find the words for this...) This attitude of I am confident. I am hot. There are people who would love to be married to me. You could tell me I am leaving you today and with tears say "o.k.", pick up and make good on my own. I believe this confidence can help. It keeps them drawn to us as there is mystery there and they like that. There is a relationship book on men being hunters by nature. It suggests that the wife always have a little mystery to keep their men hunting.

My last point comes from when I woke up from the dream. I immediately thought. If my husband is going to leave me. I would fight. There is nothing more pitiful than to hear anyone cry stating don't leave me! (In reality this is what I might do, maybe 5% of me:) But I picture myself letting him know I miss him and laughing having a good time with him as if I was the mistress. That's why I think men leave; power, status, needing to hunt and missing fun and good times. Then I realized I do not have to wait until I am divorced, just go ahead and continue laughing with them, being playful, giving surprises, sometimes in their jacket pocket, continuing to call his small office as his girlfriend making sure his "wife" is not there. (We all have our thing and you have yours too).

Well this has been cathartic for me. Thanks for listening. I have come to the conclusion that moving is not so scary after all. Besides, I'm the one he dreams of ;)