We Became Friends

I am from NY where we don't have to drive if we do not want to. NYrkers have a choice of public transportation and I know that place like the back of my hand.. (wait what's that spot...) Besides the stressful atmosphere, who wants to drive? I sure didn't need it. Not my husband, he is a true cruzer. Every now and then he would give me a lift to work in "Blue Car". Then came motherhood and we got "black car". Black car served our family well until one day; the big 40 came. My husband was turning 40 and his birthday request was to get a car his grandfather had and then his father owned and now he reached a point in his life when he wanted an Audi.

Was he out of his mind! We are parents! Then I remembered how wonderful of a spouse he has been and provider and father and assistant house cleaner.....the evidence was overwhelming. Plus he had never asked for anything for his birthday in the last 8 years. So I said yes. And he was a very happy camper. We went to the dealership he wanted and we saw an A4 and an A6. They also had an A8 but we were not going there. He was not sure which to get so I sat in the back of the car where my children would be and it was clear the A4 had no room for my children's legs. The A6 would do.

(Our new place in Virginia)

We drove it to Virginia, upon our move last year. We have had it for 4 years now and it has always been his car. Well now that we both need to drive he is happy as he was driving the car himself, all this time. I have to say I was not sensitive in the least to him driving, as this was his car and I had my subway. Who would have known this would become a source of marital stress? And when it came to driving, I was out of practice. I wouldn't drive as I avoided stress of the streets and highways, now the same stress crept into my home. Of course I wanted to avoid the stress of resentment for me not driving. I didn't have a choice anymore and that made me angry. And I had no right to be. I knew he had won this one but I needed time.

6 months later and I surprised him for new years and drove him around. But the first time I got in the car, I opened the door and the seat slid forward by itself. I interpreted this as "She did not want me in the driver's seat as it was reserved for "Him". It has a lot of cool gadgets so I eventually arrived at this conclusion. My husband later told me that has never happened to him and found my reasoning humorous. Now I drive her all the time and have become good friends. Parking is always a work in progress and I joke with other drivers how terrible I am at parking and how they may never get out or into their car.

(My favorite place to drive to in VA)

The other day my husband mentioned trading the Audi in and I was surprised at my reaction. "No way!" I said. "You can get a new car. This one is mine". Then I realized the car and I had became friends. At this point there was not resentment from my husband for not driving. As I became friends with his car, he became friends with me. Men can be strange in that way.....

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"I Folded the Clothes".

I remember sitting in my Couples and Marriage Therapy course and one concept led to another that led to another that made me remember the code names my girlfriends and their husbands have for when they are intimate. After class I mentioned it to my Professor as he said this was a great idea and asked permission to use our methods of blushed humor and discretions of married life.

It started when several couples got together for dinner. It was lots of fun. We all identified our personalities to another wife or even a husband. We spoke about differences and similarities, having children, where we grew up and how good the pot luck was. Then one couple talked about going for "Coffee". My husband and I looked at each other. The couple asked us about our abrupt look. We told them our reference is about me "getting my hair done", giving an example of a time when someone complemented me on my hair style and we almost giggled. I told them thank you but when we were out of ear shot range, I teased saying, "I have the best beautician ever". (My husband currently finds much humor in when I really do need to go to the salon. He loves to volunteer his services. lol)

Some couples at the dinner decided to come up with their own phrase. It was a fun evening. We have since had children and scattered to live in different states. So the other day I was doing the laundry when my husband came to ask me if he can help. I told him "sure." He made advancements to which I became aware that he did not come to help with the laundry. When I returned to attending the laundry, I asked him where he was going, reminding him of his offer; to which he said, "I did." "I folded the clothes".

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Discover Each Other--Again.

Spending time away with just your spouse is a refreshing treat when you have children. If your family really loves you they will care for them during the week you are gone, if not out of mercy for your marriage. Honestly, it was another well needed honeymoon. We used our resources.

We stayed at Myrtle Beach in a posh hotel we got for a good deal. Thank you connections. We drove down the closest street to the beach at night and walked during the day. I have a license but only recently started driving. My husband coached me while I drove on the South Carolina freeways at sunset.

We ordered dinner from the Hotel Restaurant. Of course I ordered this dish with the biggest shrimp you have ever seen and dined under moon light, seated on the outdoor sun chairs with umbrellas, near the pool, while looking at a movie on the laptop. The sound of the waves were twenty feet away. A green frog caught our curiosity and four older adults who had been drinking, decided to all fit in the hammock across from us. They all fell and my husband and I had the best laugh and entertainment than the movie.

We bought great souvenirs after getting a tip from a resident, the shop had amazing prices. Later we met up with a very prestigious friend of ours who took us to lunch at an all you can eat seafood diner. Oh, my, I almost died from overeating. We did have a draw back. Our rental car had a flat tire and we made the most of it telling jokes like:

Me: "Should I stick my bare leg out for someone to stop".
My husband: "Do you think they will stop?" Maybe I should stick my leg out instead".
Me: Playful slap on his upper arm.

Just our luck the rental car company was right at that exit and we drove there getting a better car than the one we had. It was two months ago but we still have such fond memories. All marriages need a retreat. It should be made mandatory even if you have to save up for once a year rendezvous or plan something simple but enjoyable, where you can discover the area and each other.

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