>> Tuesday, May 11, 2010
It happens to all of us. For some reasons it seems to happen more to wives than husbands, but I could just be bias because I am a wife. But doesn't it get under your skin when your attempts to communicate with your spouse goes haywire. You don't have to be in a heated discussion either, it could be when life is at it's normal pace. Sometimes I wonder, "are there invisible creatures snatching the words from the air and disfiguring it's essence and meaning" to turn into something your spouse believes because it comes from you.
For example, one morning, we were car pooling for work. He parked the car to get something. The situation went like this:
Husband: I'm going to get some coffee, do either of you want anything? (So Sweet)
Friend: No thanks.
Me: Yes please, can you get me a red zinger tea?
Husband: Sure but last time (three days ago) they said they had no more. Would you like something else?
Me: O.k. if they do not have red zinger tea get me anything else except peppermint because I do not like peppermint tea. Whatever you get do not get me peppermint tea.
*Husband leaves to the store while me and friend chat in the car. Husband comes back with paper bag.
Me: Thank you.
Husband: (takes tea out of the bag and hands it to me) Here you go.
Me: (smell of peppermint hits my nose) Is this peppermint tea?
Husband: Yeah you said to get peppermint tea if they did not have red zinger.
Me: I did not say that.
Husband: Yeah, they did not have red zinger and you said whatever else, to get peppermint tea.
Me: I said whatever you do, do not get me peppermint tea because I hate peppermint tea.
Husband: I could go back and get you something else.
Me: (his niceness diffused my anger and perplexity) Forget it.
Me: (in my mind) Translator Please.
I am sure you have a story also. I still can't believe how sure he was that he heard me say the opposite of what I expressed. There are so many scenarios of different categories of miscommunication between partners. It's no wonder that we ever really bond. This is where the true effort comes in. I once told my husband did you know...(some trivial pursuit, interesting fact). He said, "oh". I was so intrigued with the concept that I took his answer to mean wow, really? Three months later he comes to me...Honey, did you know... (the same trivial fact I told him)... that such and such just told me... isn't that amazing? I never knew that." God forgive me for laughing because it is downright funny to me that he doesn't remeber me saying it. But because it comes from someone else it is a new discovery. Translator please! I used to get bent out of shape and take it personally with the "you don't respect what I say" bit. Now I just laugh when these things happen. There was a time when miscommunication wasn't so funny. I came home with him sitting in candlelight thinking we were going to have a romantic evening. His first words resonated with me as he had told me several times but it was drowned out by my many life tasks.......and this evening he said it again, this time in a low but steady voice..."Did you pay the light bill?".... (Translator please).