Stalemate

Does it seem like your relationship comes to a standstill? As though you have been in this place once before or a few times. Do you say to yourself, "I thought we were past this or resolved about this issue". It is actually common and will probably happen again in a few years or next month.

The truth is we can only focus on a few things, at one time, in a relationship. Sometimes one thing at a time, depending on our spouse. Sometimes we forget or plain ol' wasn't working on it at all. But here is the problem or issue again. It's almost like a recognizable face. "Haven't I seen you before?" or "Didn't we meet?". It may be due to your character and it brings a lot of guilt with it. It may be due to your spouse and you will need to extend a whole lot of grace.

Try not to focus on how do we get out of it but that you did get out of it; together. Also don't be surprised if you arrive in this place again. It will get easier each time. The secret is....one of you has to take lead out of the situation. If its finances, lead to get on track, romance, lead to teach how it's done, if it's communication, lead in apologies or understanding that it's a weakness that needs to be cultivated.

As the leader inspire yourself. You may have to lead the next time you arrive at this point. Always keep in mind that you are complementing your spouse and that they are leading in your area of weakness, that you may not be aware of. And for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about; disregard : ) For those who have been there; file this away as a reference. And to all who are in this situation currently, you're doomed. (Just kidding). There is always a universal pull from a position of stalemate to the original state of lifemate.

Read more...

Couple's List Exercise

10 Things you may not know about me.

This is the title of the email I sent my husband. Couples are always looking for a way to communicate needs feelings and admiration. The truth is just when you think you know your significant other, you realize you really don't know them. Of course they do not really know you either. Even after X years of being together. It's usually in passing conversation, that your ears itch or spike up like a cat or dog, to something that makes you think, huh? Are you speaking about me? Is that what you really think, I think? It has to be cleared up. Your reputation is at stake. Some partners would leave it alone. Trivial to what other problems they may have at the time and it is always important to pick your battles. But just in case you feel this time it is important to address, send them a list of 10 things they may not know about you. Use it to be honest in your love for them. Number 4 on my list was I really do respect you, as I meant it. Include what makes you happy. Include what makes you sad. Include a need from them. Include a surprise about you. Include something that will encourage them. Include what you still enjoy or love. It will be an eye opener for you as well and it may surprise you how long it will take to write about yourself. Make sure to get their list, if they want to be apart of the exercise. It's only fair.

Read more...

More Creative Cooking

I have some more creative ideas for eating and drinking, as a continuation from my post on creative cooking.

One day I had no lemon for tea so I had this bright idea to used the lemonade punch in my cabinet. All you need is one spoonful and no sugar. It was divine.

If you buy a frozen pizza, save money with purchasing a plain pizza and add your own topping from home. ex. peppers, onions, mushrooms, sandwich meat, etc. You can also make mini pizza's using the dough from Pillsbury. 

I learned from my Latin babysitter a meal called the poor person's dinner. Needless to say I have used it a few times. It's rice with red Goya sazon seasoning and a fried egg over easy, on top. You can add yellow or white cheese on top. I like black pepper on my eggs with this dish.

Lastly, for today, I learned how to make granola from a neighbor who moved away. I miss her. Use dry oatmeal, brown sugar, maple syrup, teaspoon of oil to keep moist. That's the basics. Add what you like after that nuts, chocolate or butterscotch chips, coconut shredding, raisins, cranberries, a certain cereal, etc. make as moist or as dry with the basic ingredients. I like to crumble over my yogurt and cereals. My children like it as a snack in a zip lock bag for lunch or trips.

I'll give some more interesting ideas in another post. Bye for now.

Read more...

For All Christians

Where were you for Easter and what did you learn this year? I was coming back from Spring Break vacation when I explained to my son that it was Easter. My youngest asked questions and my oldest answered stating it was about bunnies and eggs. I was surprised at his answer as I thought he knew it was considered the day Jesus died.

My youngest was surprised at my answer and said, "But he's not dead (anymore). I thought he was alive?" And then I had been enlightened by my children, yet again. Almost a reminder, that we celebrate his life and death which is so one dimensional because that's a reflection for what happens to us. We forget he lived, died and then lives again. Ironic to others who do not believe but absolutely amazing to us who believe.

For if he lives, why do I walk around and live as though he is dead? Why do I have negative or defeating attitudes at work? Why do I not take chances that are good choices to take me to the next level in life? Why do I second guess myself? Why do I have low expectations? Why do I not believe in change of situation, health, wealth and relationships?

If I believed Jesus is currently alive, my actions would be so much different, hopeful and even rejuvenant. By the way I was going, I might as well have believed in the Easter Bunny as I forgot and was missing the whole point. Understanding he is alive puts him in the present, back in the spotlight and replacing me, taking on my burdens, so that I am not doing everything alone. He feels closer although I made him far away in my thinking and independence. I feel heard when I speak to him and "intuned".

It's so funny how I was teaching the meaning of Easter to my little ones and I myself received the lesson from them. Don't you love when that happens?

Read more...

I Stand Corrected

My older son rediscovered his collection of rocks. One has an eerie resemblance to the red rock formation seen in pictures of Mars. He reminded me of when he first found this rock as a four year old. I can't remember where I was but as we were walking he stooped down and said, "Look momma, a space rock!"

Looking back I was so cynical. "That's not a space rock". He proceeded to say, "Yes it is, I found it on Earth and earth is in space. It is a space rock."

(I stand corrected).

Read more...

9 Secrets for Couples

Look what I found today. Just perfect for this site. I found it on the Yahoo page.

The 9 Secrets of Happy Couples

I'm going to email my husband this post and highlight #7 as I have been asking for a simple love letter for over 3 years! Everything else, I can say we meet the standard. And me? There's nothing I need to work on from this list. Is there ever, when we need to work on ourselves ; )

Read more...

Anniversary Date

It was so nice to finally go out for our 13th Wedding Anniversary. A new environment means all the world in dating. It's so good for your psyche. You almost feel like a new person when you have school aged children and date night is nearby or decorating the house to look as though you are in a theater or restaurant. My husband was creative at one time in having a projector, project DVD movies on the wall. I still love that. (It works too with in-home kids birthday parties as well).

We got dresses and dined fancy and went for entertainment. We had a blast. You have to be careful though as talk about the children or past uncomfortable events can seep into the conversation. A little is okay but of course too much can damper the mood. By all means change the subject. We as parents always say, "What did we speak about or eat before they came along?" You definitely have to be creative.

I used to give hubby a difficult time and continually questioned him as to why we don't go out anymore. Don't make my same mistake. This is just the "season" you are in. Dates are rare and that's okay. It comes with the territory of being responsible parents. Even the definition has changed and can include family outings as a time to be together in your double role of Spouse/Parent. It's also fun to swap Saturday nights out, with one of the children for alone time. And if you have more than one child, switch.

When you do get alone time have no expectations. I find that can ruin a good date. Make the date fun and real. Share something they don't know about you, no matter how small. They can never really know everything about you. Just stay away from former dating relationships unless you have that report with your spouse. Be the perfect lady and you'll find he will be the perfect gentleman and visa versa. Most importantly, remember to be each other's fantasy during the date, immediately after (hint, hint) and long after the date has ended.

Read more...