The Battle

>> Monday, November 29, 2010

Thanksgiving was great but it was after Thanksgiving that really threw me for a loop. My husband and I have had smooth sailing and we came to a bump in the road. Now most blogs do not bring up problems in their marriages but why not? How else can we truly learn from each other and relate as spouses.

It was not easy to hear all the things that led up to this point. He had a difficult time as well. We had silent treatments, to struggled for clarity, to time in our own thoughts, to expressed anger, to "just go I will live without you, I think, of course I will, kinda, good riddens." Then stillness. Then a sealed letter and long email simultaneously, to let's talk tonight and then the civil conversation of more reality testing and uncovered feelings, to more struggle for clarity but this time freeing. And Release. Smile, to giggle, to laughter and all is again, right in the world.

I have to tell you. I thought this was the big one. I even thought of all of you who are nice enough to join and check in with a few words here and there. Live Ever After (Happily) would have been no more or Live Ever After (with someone else). It really was difficult. I almost did not want to write about it but I knew I had to be true to myself and blog. That's a real blog in my standards. It's not just about recipes and jokes as I have learned.

I was really taken off guard as I did not expect it. We are at the point where we work things out simply and it has been a while since we argued. Maybe it was time for one. We became too comfortable with each other. There needed to be some shaking up to see what this marriage is worth. It took two days. But it had been rearing its ugly head for some time now, invisible to the both of us and then showed up and ruined the holiday weekend celebration. We just resolved everything five hours ago, but I tell you I am exhausted. It's the feeling of victory after a 10 mile run but better. Hearing him and my own voice speak about changes was the refreshing part. "You mean you don't want the D word?" Whew, What a relief. "I'm a keeper?" "Aaaah. Well I think I'll keep you around, just make sure you behave yourself".

Another married battle has been won. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted and going to bed now. Sleep is going to be soooo gooood. Goodnight. Thanks for listening.


Unknown December 1, 2010 at 11:07 AM  

Well we love you guys, that's for sure!

Caren with a "C" January 31, 2011 at 3:47 AM  

I write letters also when I just can't say some things out loud and get my thoughts out the way I want them. It works!

CK January 31, 2011 at 4:15 AM  

Oh man, I can so relate! Relationships take work and it can be such a struggle to swallow that huge lump and ask for forgiveness sometimes.
Thanks for sharing,

Anonymous January 31, 2011 at 8:27 AM  

I can relate I had my marriage battles, but nothing we could solve. Those, even thou they are thougth, they make a relationship, when having a good heartfelt conversation, a little bit stronger puting in perspective the things that are important and how to solve them.

Unknown January 31, 2011 at 9:11 AM  

Ugg...just reading this puts a knot in my stomach. I have been there.
Stopped by from Sits...

Unknown January 31, 2011 at 9:29 AM  

I admire the honesty in your blogging, the ones that are all sunshine and gumdrops bore me to death! I started blogging about my marriage problems recently and me and hubs will be co-blogging this month as we work on resolving our issues. I always say that marriage is a marathon! Stop by and check me out when you get a chance.

Young Yoga Masters January 31, 2011 at 10:14 AM  

I think that it's normal to argue but my hubby doesn't. It reflects the homes we grew up in. Now we have to figure out our own home. After six years married we argue much less now.

Unknown January 31, 2011 at 10:27 AM  

I can really relate to this - this summer Hubby and I went through this exact same thing - so many things were said in anger that it took a few text messages before we were able to look each other in the eye and choose each other again. I think it's great that you were able to post about it.

Anonymous January 31, 2011 at 10:39 AM  

Simple and sweet. I’m thinking of starting another blog or five pretty soon, and I’ll definitely consider this theme. Keep ‘em coming!.

LindaFaye January 31, 2011 at 12:41 PM  

I totally appreciate you being real. I also thankful that you did it in such a way that did not make your man look bad. That is total integrity. Thanks.

I too think it's so great to be real and open about the good and the bad so our kids (and others who are looking to us) can really learn about real life and that it isn't all roses when you say "I do."

Mrs. Match January 31, 2011 at 1:04 PM  

I completely agree with you. Blogging about the tough stuff is what helps other bloggers and it's what makes true blog friendships and allows you to lean on your blog friends. I've never been afraid to talk about some of the tougher moments I've had with my husband, before we were married and navigating that mess we call dating. ;-)

So glad you and your husband were able to work things out. Communication is the key!

Practical Parenting January 31, 2011 at 3:30 PM  

This is a great idea for a blog. So many people are afraid to be honest about marriage and child raising because they fear judgment. Here they can get support. I am a child psychotherapist and have a parenting strategies blog for the same reasons. I just found you on SITS and look forward to following/reading more.

Practical Parenting

Kristi January 31, 2011 at 10:03 PM  

Umm, just went through it today. No fun, no way. It's so easy to immediately think dramatic thoughts like this could be the end. But, getting some perspective helps and thinking that this is just a bump in the road that we have to work out and will laugh about later helps too. Kind of. My mind still wants to be dramatic though. Happy SITS day!

Robin February 1, 2011 at 3:18 AM  

I am glad you worked through it. And that you blogged about it. I think we need much more honesty and openness about the difficult times. It helps others so much. And writing about it can be very healing for you as well.

Good for you.